Monday, November 2, 2009

Woman-Speak Translator

1. "We need"                                        I want

2. "This Kitchen is so ____"                     I want a new house

3. "I want new curtains"                         and carpet, and furniture, and ...

4. "I need a new pair of shoes"                 the other 40 are all the wrong color

5. "I only need a soap dish"                     We'll check out ALL the sale items

6. "Those are a bargain"                          Did you bring your checkbook?

7. "Does this dress look OK?"                    I need a new wardrobe

8. "Look at this coat!"                            Is VISA maxed out?

9. "You're so attentive tonite"                  Is sex all you ever think about?

10. "It's just... I'm soooo tired"                 Get away from me, you sex maniac

11. "It's been such a hectic day"              Get away from me, you sex maniac

12. "Hon! I just did my hair"                     Get away from me, you sex maniac

13. "Are the kids asleep?"                        Get away from me, you sex maniac

14. "Won't you be late for work?"              Get away from me, you sex maniac

15. "Turn out the lights first"                   My thighs looked flabby today

16. "Of course I like making love"              Is this gonna take much longer?

17. "You're ... so manly"                          You need a shave and a shower

18. "You have such a manly scent"           For God's sake. Use some deodorant

19. "My, don't you look comfortable"         Go put on a shirt, slob

20. "So nice to see you relaxing"              Don't sit around in your underwear

21. "I'm not upset!"                                Of course I'm upset, you moron

22. "I'm not emotional!"                           You'd be too, if you married an idiot

23. "I'm not mad at all"                           I can't believe you're that stupid

24. "Yes, I'm still talking to you"               I can't believe you're that stupid

25. "I'm not being quiet"                          I can't believe you're that stupid

26. "No"                                               NO !!! NEVER !!! NO WAY !!!

27. "I'm sorry"                                       You'll be sorry

28. "Do you forgive me?"                         You'll be sorry

29. "Well, I was upset"                           You'll be sorry

30. "Well, I was tired"                             You'll be sorry

31. "Well, I had a headache"                    You'll be sorry

32. "Do what you want"                          You'll pay for this later, big time

33. "Do what you think best"                   You'll pay for this later, big time

34. "You know more about it"                   You'll pay for this later, big time

35. "As I recall, it was your idea"              You'll pay for this later, big time

36. "Yes, I've calmed down"                    You'll pay for this later, big time

37. "I realize it was my fault sweetheart"  You ain't seen nothing yet!

38. "It's your decision"                            The correct decision is obvious

39. "Sure... go ahead"                            Don't you dare, you clown

40. You like this recipe?                          It's easy to fix

41. "Do you want to eat out?"                  I forgot to go grocery shopping

42. "What do you want for dinner?"           I don't feel like cooking

43. "You seen that new restaurant?"         I don't feel like cooking

44. "It's your Mother's recipe"                  You'd better damn sight eat that

45. "You liked that the last time"              You'd better damn sight eat that

46. "Don't want to talk yet"                     Go away, I'm building up steam

47. "Just need some time to think"            Go away, I'm building up steam

48. "We need to talk"                             I need to complain

49. "Learn to communicate"                     Just agree with me

50. "I am not yelling!"                             This is important, you idiot!

51. "Are you listening to me???"                [Too late, you're dead]

52. "Our anniversary's coming up"              When I think of the guys I could've married

53. "The kids were so bad today"              Your gene pool needs more chlorine

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