When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!
She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"
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You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring at you , and that's when you remember: You've been listening to your iPod.

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A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said. "I am a Father."
The little boy replied. "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.
"The priest looked up from his book and answered.
"I am the Father of many."
The boy said. "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way! The priest, getting impatient, said.
"I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said.
"Maybe you should wear a condom and your pants backwards instead of your collar.