Santa Singh, woke up after the annual office Diwali bash party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some breakfast in front of him.
'Jaswinder' he moaned, 'tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?'
'Even worse,' she said, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.'
'He's an asshole,' Santa Singh said. 'Piss on him.'
'You did,' came the reply. 'And he fired you.'
'Well, screw him!' said Santa Singh.
'I did. You're back at work on Monday.'


A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices for the First time, her father's nakedness.
Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, 'What are those round things hanging there, daddy?'
Proudly, he replies, 'Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life.
Without them we wouldn't be here.'
Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said.
To which mommy asks, 'Did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging from?'


It was rush hour and the bus was packed. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, 'Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!'
'I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket.'
'Oh really,' she spat. 'Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!'


Santa Singh is sitting on a rather empty train across from a good looking girl wearing a tight mini skirt.
Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.
The girl realises he is staring and asks, 'Are you looking at my pussy?'
'Yes, I'm sorry,' says Santa and promises to avert his eyes.
'It's quite alright,' replies the woman, 'It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you.'
Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.
Santa, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.
'I can also make it wink,' says the woman. Santa stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.
'Come and sit next to me,' suggests the woman, patting the seat. Santa moves over.
The woman is now visibly horny and asks Santa, 'Would you like to push a couple of your fingers in?'
Stunned, Santa replies, 'What! Can it whistle, too?'