OK so there's 3 blondes in a lift, suddenly the lift comes to a halt and the lights go out. First they try and call for help by using their mobile phones… but no luck. The phone's have no signal.
After a couple of hours being stuck with no sign of help, one blond says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by shouting together."
The others agree, and they take a deep breath and begin to shout "Together, together, together."
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A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
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A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.
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Wife: Suniyeji, aap ka dost galat larki se shaadi kar raha hai. Aap usse rokte kyon nahi?
Husband: Main kyon rokon? Usne mujhe roka tha kya!
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The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question,
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.