Groin Massage

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in a fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them at his side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"

He replied, " It feels great but I still think my thumb's broken."

Christmas Gift

After her game of golf a lady player offered her caddy a ride into town. The caddy thankfully accepted, and when they arrived at her house he carried her clubs inside.

The lady invited him to stay for lunch and served him a wonderful meal.

She then invited him into the bedroom. He was puzzled, but went along out of curiosity. She asked if he wanted to go to bed with her, so he did that too. Later he realized it was time to get back to the course and prepared to leave. The housewife insisted on giving him a dollar before he could go.

Well it was too much for the poor man, and he asked her, "Lady, what is going on? First you feed me a delicious meal, and as if that isn't enough, you invite me to make love to you and we have a terrific time together. Now you want to pay me?! What is this, anyway?"

She explained proudly, "Well, you know Christmas is coming, and I told my husband I wanted to do something nice for my caddy who is so faithful and helped me so much this year. My husband said, 'Screw the caddy! Give him a dollar!'... the lunch was my idea!

Resting The Balls

On a golf tour in Newfoundland, Canada, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion into a petrol station in a remote part of the countryside.

The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the morning to you, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick hello and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are those?" asks the attendant.

"They're called tees,� replies Tiger.

"Well, what on God's earth are they for?" inquires the attendant.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.

"Fookin Jeysus", says the Newfoundlander, "Ford thinks of everything!"

Four Balls !

A Scottish tourist was at a baseball game.

It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached the mound; he took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming: "Run, Run."

This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. The Scotsman was now exited and ready to get into the game.

The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called "walk" and the batter started on a slow trot to first. The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, "R-R-Run ye basstarrd, rrrun!"

Everyone around him started laughing. So the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down. A friendly fan, seeing the Scotsman's embarrassment, leaned over and said, "He can't run - he got four balls."

The Scotsman then stood up and screamed, "Walk with pride, man...walk with pride!"